Point of no return

It’s strange how we always go back to where I felt. To what I know so well.
I’m walking into oblivion but to where I got burnt. I’m way past the point of no return. And I know that I’m crazy to be coming back for more. But I don’t wanna learn ‘Cause I know it’ll break me and then take me somewhere I’ve been before. Battle is all my heart has seen but you feel like home.But we're still in the eye of the battle zone with bullets like comforting touches. A powerful urge to go way past the point of no return. We could go it the sky. The sky is the limit. We could find someone to belong to. 

N

It’s been a long time..

It’s been a long time since I last posted. Life has been full. Every morning I am woken with kisses from a strange dream. In an instant my dream world fades and I am left with loneliness and the hours between us. He glows with an almost tangible potential in my dreams and it seems wherever he goes I would follow. Long distance is both incredible and frustrating. I still think about him, his way of being shy and his way of taking control when I asked if he was to afraid. The rare stillness and the perfect proportion him and his soul. The brown eyes and beard, his shy dimples and the soft spiraling brown hair. Who is he to leave or love behind ..

Oblivion: the act or an instance of forgetting; total forgetfulness.

What is there left for us to remember. We lived side by side for two weeks and never once did he give me the impression of that he would remember me. Now I'm back home. 9 Hours from him in a different country. Back in my old everyday life. Back where I don't at feel home. I have lived in the city for about a year now and never felt as much comfortness as I did in his. It would be so easy to move back but I'm too afraid of that it would change everything. I spend hours by the sea every day thinking of where I should go. Where can I find that love that i felt with them. No, not only with him. With his friends too. I'm already a part of them and they asked me to spend new years eve with them. In less than a month two of them are visiting my city. He should go with them. Shouldn't he? I guess if he felt the same way that I did back there he wouldn't hesitate to go. But I'm not sure why he won't come. 

One morning he left for school and left me alone in his bed. Even though we only spend few hours together that night it was the most wonderful sleep i have had for weeks. I woke up alone in an apartment I never had left my footsteps before. I was too shy to stay and then still to shy to leave. I tried to spend as much time as possible laying there waiting for him, but he never got home. He never came back to me. Later I was with his friends and he suddenly showed up. They never told me if he was coming. Neither did he. He went for a quick kiss when we said hello on the balcony but i turned me cheek to him instead. I was to afraid of what might not happen. Later we spend the night as far away from each other as the room allowed us too. He followed me home and we shared a quick kiss at my front door. 

We spend hours alone and naked and we spend hours pretending we didn't care. All the others did care a lot and I'm sure it bothered him. We could easily avoid the questions by showing them what they wanted. What we wanted. What I wanted. 

Things would be easy to forget but I can never forget the city. My city of opportunities. My city of love. My city of sorrow.